


script supervisor

by literaryFRIVOLOUSneophyte



Category: Marble Hornets
Genre: Abuse, Emotional Manipulation, M/M, Pre-Canon, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-13
Updated: 2014-12-13
Packaged: 2018-03-01 06:58:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2763911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/literaryFRIVOLOUSneophyte/pseuds/literaryFRIVOLOUSneophyte
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It took forever for him to stop feeling so wrong liking other guys, and he blames that internalized self-hatred from years ago for feeling so uncomfortable when Alex gets too close.</p>
            </blockquote>





	script supervisor

**Author's Note:**

> when i wrote this i hated jaylex and this was cathartic for me but i dont feel that way anymore, i put too much effort into this to take it down now

Voice raspy, warm, and bordering on a yawn, Alex tells Jay he's writing a new script and asks him to help with it. Jay's thrilled he even considered asking him for help but plays it cool and says he can't do much, but he'll try.

He can see the stars in Alex's glasses and feels too mushy for his own good as his elbow bumps against Alex's arm. They're both dripping wet, because about an hour ago they broke into a public swimming pool – hopped over the fence and dived into the water with their clothes on. The park maintenance leaves the gate unlocked until seven, but it was ten o'clock and Alex wanted to go swimming. So they went swimming.

The lights automatically turned on when they sensed movement. Alex had grinned and bopped on the surface, pulled Jay deeper into the water, and Jay feared he was going to kiss him. For his creative writing class he had written about a first kiss with a boy with glasses and a taste for underground indie films he couldn't understand, but in the story he had understood that he wanted to kiss that boy. 

The teacher assumed he was writing from the perspective of a girl. Jay wasn't; he was writing about wanting a first kiss with that boy under a starlit sky. But he didn't want that, when Alex invited him to hang out tonight. He didn't want Alex to touch him at all when he had the opportunity, when Jay daydreamed about kissing him during a boring lecture.

Alex did not kiss him. He expects disappointment but can only feel relief.

Alex's hair is plastered to his forehead and he leans his head on Jay's shoulder. Jay's first instinct is to flinch away. His second is to mentally scold himself for thinking that.

It took forever for him to stop feeling so wrong liking other guys, and he blames that internalized self-hatred from years ago for feeling so uncomfortable when Alex gets too close.

Chlorine burned in his throat and he sneezed out water through his nose, but Alex laughed. And he felt like the most important person in Alex's life right there, where his hesitance is drowned out by badly lit water. That's all that mattered. Not his discomfort. Even though, later on, when Jay tries to help him come up with better names for his film, Alex won't look up from his phone.

Jay spends the night. He puts his clothes in Alex's washer, falls asleep in Alex's clothes, in Alex's room, and wakes up next to Alex. His face is buried in his hair, and he can faintly smell Alex's shampoo. They aren't dating. Alex asks anyone who personally knows Amy about her. But he texts Jay late in the morning, he spends most of the summer in Jay's dorm, he puts his arm around Jay and sits in his lap when they're on the same couch.

And when there's no one else around.

Alex makes friendship into an “us against the world” kind of deal, that leaves Jay feeling vulnerable but never important, never secure. He convinces himself it's romantic, and his gut instincts are merely butterflies in his stomach. He's so in love with the attention he gets. He's so in love it makes him rub his eyes raw when trying not to cry.

Of course it isn't love. He finds that out too late, after he can relate entire albums back to Alex and can't watch certain movies without thinking of him.

He hates Alex, when he breaks off their friendship countless times, and he loves Alex, when he calls him up and tells him he's his best friend. Don't you remember I let you borrow that one thing one time, don't you remember the good times? It's implied that Jay was the cold, heartless bastard all along. Jay gives in, every phone call, too guilty and heartsick to say no.

When he's welcomed back, it's the best feeling in the world. It isn't satisfaction; it's approval.

He scribbles moody poetry about Alex in a notebook he forgets the existence of. _He is sour milk but in the morning, he wakes up wearing one of my T-shirts and hugs me from behind. He's rotten and I'm going to die of food poisoning and blame myself for it. I use his toothpaste, shouldn't I have known he doesn't taste like mint but like acid?_

He sees the happiness of Brian and Tim and feels rotten himself.

Alex calls him the next day, and he picks up after a second.

“You wanna come over?”

“...Yeah. Sure.”


End file.
